Thursday, December 31, 2009
A week ago today, I had my dental implant surgery, and I know you are all getting tired of reading my posts and all I do is gripe, but this is a big deal to me right now, so I'm venting.
I bit the bullet and had the second surgery done on Christmas Eve, because I just wanted to get this part of my life OVER with, so I thought "okay, the sooner the better". However, I do not understand how I was hurting so bad the day of surgery, and then was healed enough Christmas day not to even need any pain meds. I was even well enough, or MADE myself well enough, so that I could face patients this past week of work too. In fact, I don't understand how I was able to put all of my energy the past three days working, swollen, bruised, and stitched up like Hellraiser, but by Wednesday night, I fell apart. Why? I just want to know, why NOW? Now that I can finally rest and be with my family the next 4 days, NOW I get to hurt in agony? It doesn't make sense so I am just going to be mad right now and vent.
Thank God I go to the oral surgeon's office today to have my post-op check. I am so worried that something is wrong, and that's the reason I am in so much pain. The difference in the two surgeries is that back in September, I hurt from the start, the pain never ceased until about 3 weeks post-op. In fact, it hurt so bad then that I had to go home from work one day, and had to take a half a Hydrocodone to even get through the work day. I know that we are supposed to go to God and let him take all of our worries away, and maybe this is just Him testing me, but it'd hard for me not to worry. I also worry that this is a sign the grafing didn't work, and maybe something went wrong or there is infection. I will know in a few hours once I see Dr C, but in the meantime I just want to be mad because it this pain is ruining my New Years Eve.
I'm also mad at my mom and dad, or frustrated. I'm frustrated because my dad should have seeked dental treatment for his child rather than abandoning me. Who does that? If Ryder ever needed this kind of surgery, no matter what, I would be there to pay for it, even if it meant taking on a second or third JOB and hold his hand, not make him wait until an adult to have the surgery done for himself. There's no excuse. I know my parents did what they could, and they provided options other than dental implants at the time, but they knew that at some point I would have to have this surgery. Had I not waited until I was almost 27 years old to have the surgery, the bone would have been less dense and there would have been more bone to work with, and maybe the grafting wouldn't have even been neccesary. And Lord knows less painful. I know that I just said a lot of hurtful things, and I'm not mad at my mom, never will be, but I'm just frustrated. Frustrated that God even made me this way to begin with. I'm OVER the vanity, and to be quite honest, I don't even care if anyone sees me for who I am. No teeth and all. I am growing into an adult and I have much bigger worries than what I look like without teeth. Well.. while I'm in the process of getting these dental implants anyways.
How many 26 year old women out there have to get 10 dental implants placed everyday? NOT many.. most are worried about other things like "where to buy the newest Coach purse" , or "where their husband is taking them for dinner". Rational things like "when to get the oil changed in their car" and "Did I get everything off the grocery list?" NOT dealing with trying to afford new teeth. Now that it's New Year's Eve, I want to put all of my negativity into journaling. It's something that I used to do as a teenager, and it's something I want to continue to do. One day I asked Scot what he prayed about, or what he talked to God about everyday. He looked at me and said "It's personal". At that answer, I remember getting mad and embarrassed that my own husband wouldn't share his story with me, but then I realized that he's right. He has his own relationship with God and it IS personal. It made me realize too that I wanted to journal my thoughts and use it as a prayer journal to write down every thought, and everything that I am going through day to day, and look back to it as inspiration.
Scot and I have a tradition that we make a list of "New Year's resoltions" and each New Year Day, we reflect on the ones from the years before. Some we have achieved and maintained. Others we laugh at and say "Like that would have ever lasted". This year I want to do something different. I want to make realistic goals for myself and by journaling, every single day for the next year, and see in the end what I have accomplished. Scot may look at this as just another one of "Laura's projects" but it's something that I want to do, and I can take some of my sadness and frustration out on paper and God rather than using my husband as a sound board. I just need this as therapy, and I want to remember everything about 2010, the good and the bad.
With all of this being said, I do hope that this turns out to be a HAPPY New Year's Eve.. and I already feel better after "Journaling" on this post!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
My worries were put to rest once I sat Ryder on Santa's knee. Just like the little Ham that he is, he smiled away for the camera! I was so proud of him for being such a BIG boy and not pitching a tantrum like some of the other babies there did! We scanned the original copy and for some reason it came out this size, so you may have to enlarge it (sorry!)
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
On the First Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A Lovely Christmas Tree.. we went to the Tree Lot on Tuesday to pick out the perfect tree!
Once we brought it home and found the best place in the room to set it up, I had to pose beside my Lovely Tree. Next we started hanging the lights and adding the garland and gold beads.
Ryder even had fun putting it all together..but keeping him away from it will be a challenge!
Four Favorite Ornaments..
We finished the week and had eggnog by the fireplace and are really enjoying this season with Ryder now that he is older. It's fun to see him take it all in again, since he was barely a month old last Christmas. We fought the crowds today to find a few more things for the house, and took Ryder to Sears again for our family portrait and his one year portrait. You all will be receiving your Christmas cards soon, as I placed the order on Shutterfly today. Have a great weekend!