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Sunday, December 12, 2010

Single Mom while Scot's Away

I just put Ryder to bed and three hours ago I was literally counting this time down in my head because I am that exhausted and it was pretty much the only thing keeping me from falling asleep on the couch. At one point I think I may have even dozed off on the couch, and heard Ryder saying "wake UP Mommy!" I know that Scot is in California doing wonderful things to provide for our family, but right now I'm so tired that it doesn't cut it and I'm feeling very selfish and I want him back home because I miss him terribly. I feel like a single mom and I have such admiration for any out there who has to be both the mom and the dad.

I know that must be the hardest job in the world, and to never ever get a break. It certainly makes me appreciate my husband that much more, but has also made me realize that being a stay at home mom might not be as easy as I think. If Ryder hadn't gotten the stomach bug I think it would have been a fun weekend just the two of us, but unfortunately he has been in a horrible mood and one minute wants me, the next pushes me away. One minute he wants waffles, then after making them he turns his nose at them. I am trying anything and everything to get him to eat and am really worried but know that this too shall pass. I have prayed for him to feel better and to gain strength and his appetite back and hopefully by tomorrow he will be almost back to normal. I have at least been able to talk to Scot here and there to update one another with our three hour time difference and to chat for a few minutes just to feel like we aren't completely disconnected. He even sent me this picture of what he found sunbathing on one of the beaches in San Diego. When I got the text and saw the title, I was thinking either some person or a whale or shark. I have never seen these in person and they are adorable! I would love to visit California one day and maybe take a family vacation with Ryder to see them in person too. Funny to think they are just randomly out in the wild like that sunbathing haha, so different from the smooth sandy beaches of North Carolina that I grew up visiting.

On Saturday since Ryder seemed to be a little back to himself I thought I would take him for a treat and get bagels at Panera Bread. I tried posting from the restaurant to my blog and had issues, but was happy to see the previous post worked from my phone! Anyways, once the bagels arrived, I guess Ryder had lost his appetite and just wanted to climb the booth and table instead. Embarrasing mom moment #12!! I scarfed my bagel down as fast as I could because I knew he started to get bored and was ready to leave. So much for a fun treat out for breakfast.
My other plan in store was to take Ryder to see a movie in the actual movie theater. Scot isn't a big fan of the movie theater and it being crowded so I thought it would be a fun treat just Ryder and I to do. After he got sick, that plan kind of took a back seat because I didn't think he would be in any kind of mood to sit through an entire movie and didn't want to experience Embarrasing Mom Moment #13! Instead I called my mom to see if we could come over and stay the night. I was starting to get a little lonely and missed the adult conversation and she and my stepdad were happy to have us over. Ryder loves visiting with his Nana and Pawpaw and was asking by name for them all week, thinking each time we were getting in the car to run errands or anything that we were actually going to see them, then he would get sad when he realized we were in fact going grocery shopping or back home instead. He loves all of the toys they have for him and he was very taken with this toy dog grooming set which I thought was so funny!

I really enjoyed spending time talking with my mom and nostalgic to stay in my old bedroom. I hope to have a daughter one day that I can have chats about everything from life to sharing recipes like I have with my mom. She is always there for me and knew that I needed a little break and a pick me up from having to tend to a sick little guy all weekend. I did leave feeling refreshed, but it was short lived by the time this afternoon rolled around!

I intended to take Ryder to Target just to look around, but it was grand central station and I had Embarrasing Mom Moment #14 when he was screaming "My Toys!!!!!" all down each aisle because I wouldn't let him have a toy he had spotted. I got frustrated with the crowds and the hustle and bustle of everyone and his screaming didn't help matters in the least. As I buckled Ryder into his carseat I was on the verge of tears myself as he screamed in the backseat so I didn't know what else to do (all but yell back) so I called Scot to try to get uplifted. I got voicemail instead so I let him in on how the day with the devil child was going. I know that Ryder just wasn't feeling himself and it was my fault for taking him to a crowded store and tempting him by the toy aisle, but he typically doesn't have meltdowns quite like that! Lesson learned, and hopefully we can chalk it all up to his cold and his daddy being gone. We had a few more moments like this one, and as we curled up to watch Toy Story in bed together, I silently apoligized to him for losing my temper and knew he didn't feel good. I prayed that God would give both of us strength to get through the rest of the time while Scot was away, and that tomorrow would be a better day. As I tucked him in bed and kissed his sweet head, we prayed together as we always do, and I asked God for forgiveness for being impatient and tired with him today. I thanked Him for blessing me with my sweet baby boy, and I felt better already to know that I had Him on my side.
If theres one thing for sure, my Mothering skills have been tested this past week and I feel like I have come a long way from the anxious Mom I used to be two years ago. Whenever faced with challenges, I just need to learn to stay calm and not get so upset when there is nothing I can do and every other mom out there has similar stories to share so I shouldn't beat myself up so much and think that I am a bad mom just because my child acted out while in public. Thank goodness my sweet husband comes home tomorrow and I can let him share in the parenting! It's been a sweet bonding for Ryder and I but MOMMA is TIRED! With that being said I am heading to bed to try to get some rest before heading back to work tomorrow. Good Night Ya'll!

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